When a guy like Ahmadinejad says, “We do not wish to use oil as a weapon,” you
    can be pretty sure that what he really means is this: “We going to use oil as a

    See how easy that was.

Remember when
Bill Clinton looked into the camera
and said that he didn’t have sexual relations with that
girl? Don’t get ahead of me, now. What he really meant
was this: “Damned right I had sexual relations with that
girl in that cute blue dress, and I’ll do it again in a New
York minute when Hillary  turns her cold, icy stare away
from me.”

With a little practice, you can do this at home.

    When Al Gore insists that the rest of us must significantly reduce our
    use of fossil fuels or else we’ll soon be sliding into the rising seas of
    our molten earth, what he really meant was, “Do as I say, not as I do.
    As for me, I’m heading back in my fuel-guzzling jets to one of my fuel-
    guzzling mansions.”

Sheryl Crow says that everyone should start using one small square
of tissue paper per toilet visit, I’m thinking that she was really thinking—
“What the crap am I saying? This is really stupid, even for me. I can’t wait
until this press conference is over so we can hit the road—me, my three
tour busses and my three semi-trucks and trailers!”

    When John Edwards says that the wealthy should pay for universal
    health care, what he really means is that if the wealthy don’t, he’s going
    to sue those rich thieves so he can get enough from the settlements to
    afford a few more 22,000 sq. feet mansions.

    Here’s the secret: Watch what people have done
    in the past, not just what they say when the
    camera light turns red. Once you understand
    that, you can look through people like those
    3-D glasses were supposed to work back in
    the Fifties when you ordered them from comic

    When Nancy Pelosi smiles and says sweetly that she is working to
    bring integrity and transparency back to Washington, what she really
    means is this: “When we get finished with Bush and his side, we’re
    going to make `The Sopranos’ look like a bunch of sissies.”

    When Harry Reid says that the war in Iraq is lost,
    figure that he means—“I keep hoping that if I say
    it enough times, it will finally happen, then we can
    really start to make the people happy who have
    bought and paid for us to be here in power.”

So, start doing your homework, and as you do so, remember this paraphrase of an old
wise saying, “The definition of insanity is when you expect liberals and dictators—
people who have shown over and over that they are bad about lying—to suddenly
start telling the truth.”

We call it simple horse-sense down here on the ranch.
...How to Determine Truth from Fiction 101

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said recently that Iran does not wish to use oil as a
weapon in its standoff with the West over its nuclear program. Actually, his exact words were, “I
affirm that we do not wish to use oil as a weapon.”

Out here on the ranch, we have a saying: “Fool me once—shame on you; fool me twice—shame
on me.”

So, in the interest of helping you understand and counter the double-speak of people who are
known to be liars, let me give you a quick lesson.
The official coffee mug for
bull-sessions with Sterling,
Tom and Rafe.
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