Even cabbies, according to the report, will have to pass an English proficiency test before
they can drive all the foreigners around.

Apparently the officials are wholeheartedly committed to this idea. They are even setting
up a language and behavior hotline to encourage the public to encourage correct usage
and to report mistakes.

    Here is a question shared by all three of us,
    a result of our coffee-drenched think tank:
    When the 2008 Beijing Olympics are
    over, what would you think of having
    those same Chinese officials come over
    here to teach all of us a thing or two?

    I don’t know about you, but I’ve traveled
    enough to know that in just about every nook
    and cranny of our great country, we could
    probably use a whole heck of a lot less
    spitting, run-down housing, offensive
    manners, and unintelligible English?

I, for one, got in a taxicab in New York on my last trip there (the trip was a present for my
lovely wife of 45 years, certainly not something I would do on my own…and don’t even get
me started on the damn Broadway play
where the guy took his pants off right on
stage or the German opera we attended!),
and during the entire ride, neither my wife
nor I understood a single word the cabbie
said except the part about $43 and
something about a tip. I’m not an expert on
this, but I’m pretty sure the driver had never
cracked open an English book, much less
taken a proficiency exam.

So, even though we don’t want to cause any kind of international incident or upset the
current relationship between the United States and China, my coffee-drinking buddies and
I want to propose a win-win solution to a heck of a lot of problems that our individual
countries face.

What would you think of a trade between the two countries, just like the
professional sports teams do all the time?

Here’s the deal: We would send Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Alec Baldwin, Jesse
Jackson, Al Sharpton, Sean Penn, the Dixie Chicks and that Duke lacrosse team
prosecutor Nifong-guy to China.
These people have the answer for everything, so it
would be very beneficial for the entire Asian region.

In return, we would get ten of the top Chinese Behavior Police who will help us
rid our country of spitting in public, run-down housing, offensive manners and
unintelligible English. And we can’t forget the taxicab proficiency exam.

All in favor, say “aye.”

Down on the ranch, we already have three positive votes cast, though Rafe has a bit of a
problem with the spitting ban. He’s bad about dipping snuff, and he’s pretty adamant
about the fact that occasionally you have to have to get rid of it. Swallowing snuff spit,
according to Rafe, is not a good option, and admittedly, he’s the only expert amongst the
three of us on this subject.

So, granted, our proposal will need an amendment or two, but the idea has merit, don’t
you think?
                   ...Good Behavior or Else

Tom, Rafe and I were sitting on the front porch of my ranch house the other day, simply
enjoying coffee in our mugs provided by the MyBestYears.com people. Then Rafe mentioned
something he’d heard on his pickup truck’s radio on the way over that may have implications
for all of us.

It seems that organizers of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, in cooperation with that city’s
officials, have issued a statement banning bad behavior. These include spitting,
run-down housing, offensive manners and unintelligible English.
The official coffee mug for
bull-sessions with Sterling,
Tom and Rafe.
Order yours today!
Did you hear about this? I can’t believe the ACLU isn’t
already suing someone over such a restrictive ban.

With a half-million people expected to flow into the
Beijing area during the Olympics, along with an
anticipated $40,000,000,000 (that is 40-billion with a
capital B) infusion of foreign money, the people in
charge are understandably concerned about everyone
cleaning up their collective act.

But no more spitting?

No more run-down housing?

    No more offensive manners?

            No more unintelligible English?
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